My exams are officially over. Be good or bad, I've considered myself a graduate now. In addition, I'm starting my job search now.
There was plenty of gatherings for dinner, movies and of course, I met up with my ex-girlfriend. I wasn't able to give her a birthday gift as she had her birthday right in the midst of my exams. I simply wasn't free then. So, on Saturday, I went to fetch her from work and we went to have a good buffet dinner as a post exams celebration for me and for her, a belated birthday present that i was able to offer.
It was a hearty meal and we were able to face each other comfortably. No awkward feelings at all. She was so much more cheerful now. Seeing her, I felt that all the good vibes that i buried previously was still lingering. I had a urge to show my "boyfriend personality". Alas, I held back on that.
Seeing each other for the first time in 2 months really made that day a memorable one. I had a good chat with her, about what happened previously. All was chatted as a past tense and there was a sense of maturity now. We had a sort of "looking back view" where we went through the dialogue that was discussed back in march. That night ended with quite a pleasant feel. I even thought that i might want to give this friendship, relationship another try.
Fast forward to Tuesday, I went to meet her again, this time for a hair cut. If you remember, I last blogged a long lengthy post when i went for a haircut. This time, it was also a complex feeling to it. I waited around 1 hour before getting my haircut and that really brings back memory when i used to wait, also around 1 hour for her to knock off. On some unforeseen busy occasion, i even waited up to 3 hours at best. All I had to accompany was my phone. Those were the days which i really sucked it up and waited for a girl for hours and still gave a nonchalant look. On hindsight, I just would like to comment that i was pissed at times for waiting.
I should describe this feeling as a uncertainty of the weather. On normal days, I actually see waiting 1-2 hours in front of her workplace was perfectly normal and is required as being a boyfriend. I don't know how many girls would find it a minimum requirement for a boyfriend but I truthfully feel that my tolerance for a girl can be considered high.
Coming back to the haircut, my ex-girlfriend finished cutting for me and we were all good at that time. However, I must say that i shouldn't have joined her in eating supper next. What was to follow was actually the fire that ignite a series of heated argument. Her sister and friend joined in for the supper and it soon became a small gathering. However, having not seen them for some time, I felt a little awkward.
Personally, I felt being the odd one out in the meal and that was when i did a very ungentlemanly thing. I must admit that I should have done what i did but i simply couldn't held my nerves there and then. What i did during supper was to finish my food and left first when my ex-girlfriend was still eating. For this unacceptable behavior, I apologized with remorse.
My explanation for this behavior was that there was lengthy period of long silence while we were eating and I could sense the tension in the air building. Alas, when i finished my food, I left the table and head home. This explains where I'm coming from when i mentioned that I should had head home after my haircut.
Afterwards, there was a series of heated exchanges through messaging before even my tolerance broke the boiling point mark. I let loose and told her that i was very pissed with her attitude today. I basically took a rant at her. Even as friends, I admit that what i did was very unacceptable and coming frank with my feelings today had backfired.
I understand that nobody likes to be told about their negative characteristic but i thought that i should point it out to her. After all, that is what friends are for, even if she was to hate me now.
A context for my ex-girlfriend:
"I would like to apologize to you for my unacceptable behavior and I hope we can still be friends. For such blunt remarks to come at you, I'm sure you would never be able to take it. I have never thought of this as an reason but maybe this was what kept me from telling certain issues to you. Please understand that I only wanted you to be able to just look at things more reasonably and rationally. If I had angered you with my remarks, I hope you are not taking it personally but look at as something you could improve on. Once again, Sorry for the overall bad experience on Tuesday night and a big thank you still, for the haircut that you had provided earlier. "
