Perception. Critical Thinking

It was around 1 month ago when i saw this photo while browsing through Facebook. I purposely saved this so that I could remind myself to blog some thoughts about this issue, Perception. And this weekend, I finally remembered.

For those whom haven't studied psychology, allow me to introduce this conceptual term, schemas. Schemas are mental representations of knowledge. They encompass our thoughts, beliefs and attitudes about a particular thing, event or person etc. Schemas help people organize current knowledge and provide a framework for future understanding. We can use our person schemas to "fill in" gaps of a person that we could just met. For instance, what do you have in mind when you met a young lady who is smiling at you?

Some might think that this person is friendly, others might say she's well-mannered etc. I might think that this person is happy and hence she is smiling. The point is, everybody have their own perception! It is your schemas or mental knowledge, that is deeply rooted in your mind that helped you come to a conclusion, in this case, as a first impression of this particular lady.

And this, links us back to the picture, Perception. The thing about perception is that there is no One Best Way. By that, i meant there is no one perception that is absolutely 'correct'. Once we have accepted this critical thinking, we can see that it all depends on how each individual derives his/her perception.

Now, let's refer from the picture above. A person can be alone on a small island for a long period and see that this boat as a savior to his situation. Similarly, this person can also be on a boat floating for a long period and see this small island as a savior to his situation.

However, there is a debatable point. We often doesn't know where the other person is coming from, or had experienced. Almost immediately, we see that this person is "in much better situation then what he himself is in". It is at this point that I'm sure most people will find it familiar. Honestly, how many people can think in the shoes of the others?

Our focus will, most of the time, be on what we had been through.  Whether is this a 'correct' thinking will be another never-ending debate with no one best way solution. Hence, let us just read through this whole article as a neutral.

I recalled that our educators placed lots of emphasis on this component called "critical thinking" back in my secondary school days. That made me having some food for thoughts: "Did we lose this critical thinking skill as we aged, or did we just chose to ignore this component all together, in light of the harsh truth of reality? "

I acknowledged that this whole perception talk or debate is one that can be never ending. The fact is, there will always be supporters in view of individual rationality and self-interest. Hence, I shall leave my thoughts at that. The purpose of this article isn't about proving whether we should embrace critical thinking but rather, another thought of mine that i would like to share.

With my conclusion, I would like you readers to think about this sentence below. Never mind that I got it off 9gag, but it's the underlying context of the sentence that is meaningful, at least to me. 

Texting. Haircut. Awkward Moment. Steps Forward

Just this monday, It was our first meetup after our breakup. I have arranged this to get myself a haircut. For those who doesn't know, my ex-girlfriend is a hairstylist and she's been managing my hair for at least a good 3 years now.

Messaging and greetings over the phone wasn't awkward at all. Apart from using sweetening words that couples normally uses, we were able to communicate properly.  Anyway, thats my thoughts while arranging for a haircut appointment. And I headed to her workplace for it.

There was an air of quietness when i stepped into the saloon. I could sense the weird looks from her colleagues when we greeted each other. It was the start of an awkward feeling that is to follow. I must first comment that it was near her store closing hours where there isn't any customers in the saloon at all, apart of me that is.

Throughout my haircut, i maintained eye-contact with my ex-girlfriend, smiling to her at times when our eyes met. She probably didn't notice this since she's concentrating on my hair but I noticed that her colleagues were all 'monitoring' our situation. Not sure whether the use of 'monitoring' is appropriate here but i guess thats the closest word i could use to describe that atmosphere.

It was only at the end of my haircut that she told me she hasn't break the news about our breakup to her colleagues. Before that, I was thinking of heading to the counter to make payment where the awkward moment got to the maximum. Since I can still be consider a friend, i was wondering that i might get a discounted rate if she were to follow me to the cashiering counter. However, when i turned around, I saw her standing besides her colleagues, talking.

I didn't know, at that particular moment, whether to walk towards the cashiering counter myself to pay the standard price, or to wait for her to come back to 'serve' me. By 'serve', i meant that "ain't you gonna send me out, like with a farewell?" That was a moment of awkwardness.

The moment ended when my ex-girlfriend came back to where i had remained seated (still wondering what to do) and i asked the question: "I should go pay now?"  and that's when she told me that she hasn't break the news of our breakup to her colleagues yet.

For readers that are now confused with what I'm writing, I should clarify that for the past years that I've been going to her for haircut in her saloon, I wouldn't need to pay since they might have some sort of agreement between the hairstylist to provide 'free haircut' to their significant ones.

Knowing this, she told me "not to pay" so that it doesn't create a explanation hassle for her. And for me, I switched my mind into thinking about killing off this awkward feeling.I told her that I'm going to the bank ATM to deposit cash. I only came back to get her, which at this time she have officially knocked off, at 9pm.

I don't really know why but i guess i included a meal together after our haircut as well. In addition, i was also told to pass her all the stuffs that she had left in my house to return her. We had supper at a coffeeshop near her house, with her friend and sister. And since there were company, I thought it was just enough of greetings and catching up topics for each of them since i do know them personally as well.

At the end of the day, although i say that it's okay if there is company joining us for the meal, I must say that i was a little disappointed that we didn't get to talk more individually.

Maybe, just maybe i might wanted to find out more about our breakup as a 'debriefing' kind of chat. I don't have an definite answer as to why i felt that pinch of disappointment. Anyway, there you have it, another post of my thoughts about what happened in our first meeting after the breakup with my girlfriend.

Till we meet again, I wish you well. For now, let us all take baby steps forward to achieve our goals.

Memories. Moving forward. Message for Her

First of all, allow me to reiterate here that I'm writing this blog here to help organize my thoughts. It is through the para-phasing of the information that allows me to see certain issues more clearly.

There is still plenty of thoughts running through my head as I'm writing this post. I guess I can start with memories between me and my ex-girlfriend.

Memories will always be a part of me but it is at this period, the decision to "archive" it, making it all part of my history. I think that the way we handle our memories could possibly hinder our recovery of our self from a breakup. I'm not saying that a breakup isn't as heartbreaking, It's just that everybody have to accept this as a fact, sooner or later. For me, the sooner i get my self-confidence back, the more efficient i shall become. Or should i say, I'm a person whom is forward-looking.
 
With this as a backdrop, let us start with our most memorable things we've had. I'm also posting here as a reminiscing of this valuable past to me. My ex-girlfriend once asked me this question: "Tell me what is the most memorable thing you have done for me?"   

During our conversations, I wasn't able to answer her at the tip of my fingers. Call me a terrible boyfriend if that's what it is because i might just need a wake-up hammer blow. Still, in my mind, I've always held certain memories close to me.

One touching effort my ex-girlfriend ever made for me was her determination to quit smoking. It was during our early days into this relationship when i found her smoking behavior unbearable. Needless to say, we had quite a big disagreement that almost threaten our relationship.

Although I couldn't get her to quit smoking totally, it was her subsequent effort and determination that was touching. I understand her standpoint of a smoker with a circle of heavy smoker friends. It's the peer pressure from these group of smokers that makes smoking hard to quit. If you have problem understanding what I've mentioned, just imagine you are the only non-gamer in a group of gamer clique. Most of your friendship bonding time would be talking about games and you're sort of "leaving yourself out" by not doing the same thing as them.

On hindsight, maybe i should had dropped my view that she should be quitting smoking not because of me, but for her health. After-all, if we use a backward induction method, we can easily say that, without me, she wouldn't had even contemplate about quitting smoking.

Message for my now ex-girlfriend:

" For your effort and determination to try to change yourself for me, I thank you. That really touched my heart. For a girl to change her lifestyle just to satisfy her significant other, I ought to compliment you. The effort you had gave into our relationship really put me to shame. 

Compared to you, all I ever offered was a stream of support for you which i thought was a great contribution. I always thought that my listening ear is an asset to you. Little did i found out that it was of minimum impact since all my suggestions after listening doesn't help. I really feel ashamed and guilty here. 

Had we carried on our relationship without resolving this cooling off period, we wouldn't have found so much flaws, and i wouldn't have done so much reflection on myself either. Although we've now gone our separate ways, I still like to apologize for my lack of sensitivity and useful support as your boyfriend. Please forgive me. 


Lastly, from the bottom of my heart, i thank you for all the effort you had done and for the time we've spent. This part of you really deserves better. I hope you get to meet someone whom will cherish your every effort for the relationship and not as complacent as somebody like me. I'm hereby giving you my blessing to find joy and happiness that you didn't get when you're with me. "