My exams are officially over. Be good or bad, I've considered myself a graduate now. In addition, I'm starting my job search now.
There was plenty of gatherings for dinner, movies and of course, I met up with my ex-girlfriend. I wasn't able to give her a birthday gift as she had her birthday right in the midst of my exams. I simply wasn't free then. So, on Saturday, I went to fetch her from work and we went to have a good buffet dinner as a post exams celebration for me and for her, a belated birthday present that i was able to offer.
It was a hearty meal and we were able to face each other comfortably. No awkward feelings at all. She was so much more cheerful now. Seeing her, I felt that all the good vibes that i buried previously was still lingering. I had a urge to show my "boyfriend personality". Alas, I held back on that.
Seeing each other for the first time in 2 months really made that day a memorable one. I had a good chat with her, about what happened previously. All was chatted as a past tense and there was a sense of maturity now. We had a sort of "looking back view" where we went through the dialogue that was discussed back in march. That night ended with quite a pleasant feel. I even thought that i might want to give this friendship, relationship another try.
Fast forward to Tuesday, I went to meet her again, this time for a hair cut. If you remember, I last blogged a long lengthy post when i went for a haircut. This time, it was also a complex feeling to it. I waited around 1 hour before getting my haircut and that really brings back memory when i used to wait, also around 1 hour for her to knock off. On some unforeseen busy occasion, i even waited up to 3 hours at best. All I had to accompany was my phone. Those were the days which i really sucked it up and waited for a girl for hours and still gave a nonchalant look. On hindsight, I just would like to comment that i was pissed at times for waiting.
I should describe this feeling as a uncertainty of the weather. On normal days, I actually see waiting 1-2 hours in front of her workplace was perfectly normal and is required as being a boyfriend. I don't know how many girls would find it a minimum requirement for a boyfriend but I truthfully feel that my tolerance for a girl can be considered high.
Coming back to the haircut, my ex-girlfriend finished cutting for me and we were all good at that time. However, I must say that i shouldn't have joined her in eating supper next. What was to follow was actually the fire that ignite a series of heated argument. Her sister and friend joined in for the supper and it soon became a small gathering. However, having not seen them for some time, I felt a little awkward.
Personally, I felt being the odd one out in the meal and that was when i did a very ungentlemanly thing. I must admit that I should have done what i did but i simply couldn't held my nerves there and then. What i did during supper was to finish my food and left first when my ex-girlfriend was still eating. For this unacceptable behavior, I apologized with remorse.
My explanation for this behavior was that there was lengthy period of long silence while we were eating and I could sense the tension in the air building. Alas, when i finished my food, I left the table and head home. This explains where I'm coming from when i mentioned that I should had head home after my haircut.
Afterwards, there was a series of heated exchanges through messaging before even my tolerance broke the boiling point mark. I let loose and told her that i was very pissed with her attitude today. I basically took a rant at her. Even as friends, I admit that what i did was very unacceptable and coming frank with my feelings today had backfired.
I understand that nobody likes to be told about their negative characteristic but i thought that i should point it out to her. After all, that is what friends are for, even if she was to hate me now.
A context for my ex-girlfriend:
"I would like to apologize to you for my unacceptable behavior and I hope we can still be friends. For such blunt remarks to come at you, I'm sure you would never be able to take it. I have never thought of this as an reason but maybe this was what kept me from telling certain issues to you. Please understand that I only wanted you to be able to just look at things more reasonably and rationally. If I had angered you with my remarks, I hope you are not taking it personally but look at as something you could improve on. Once again, Sorry for the overall bad experience on Tuesday night and a big thank you still, for the haircut that you had provided earlier. "
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Perception. Critical Thinking
For those whom haven't studied psychology, allow me to introduce this conceptual term, schemas. Schemas are mental representations of knowledge. They encompass our thoughts, beliefs and attitudes about a particular thing, event or person etc. Schemas help people organize current knowledge and provide a framework for future understanding. We can use our person schemas to "fill in" gaps of a person that we could just met. For instance, what do you have in mind when you met a young lady who is smiling at you?
Some might think that this person is friendly, others might say she's well-mannered etc. I might think that this person is happy and hence she is smiling. The point is, everybody have their own perception! It is your schemas or mental knowledge, that is deeply rooted in your mind that helped you come to a conclusion, in this case, as a first impression of this particular lady.
And this, links us back to the picture, Perception. The thing about perception is that there is no One Best Way. By that, i meant there is no one perception that is absolutely 'correct'. Once we have accepted this critical thinking, we can see that it all depends on how each individual derives his/her perception.
Now, let's refer from the picture above. A person can be alone on a small island for a long period and see that this boat as a savior to his situation. Similarly, this person can also be on a boat floating for a long period and see this small island as a savior to his situation.
However, there is a debatable point. We often doesn't know where the other person is coming from, or had experienced. Almost immediately, we see that this person is "in much better situation then what he himself is in". It is at this point that I'm sure most people will find it familiar. Honestly, how many people can think in the shoes of the others?
Our focus will, most of the time, be on what we had been through. Whether is this a 'correct' thinking will be another never-ending debate with no one best way solution. Hence, let us just read through this whole article as a neutral.
I recalled that our educators placed lots of emphasis on this component called "critical thinking" back in my secondary school days. That made me having some food for thoughts: "Did we lose this critical thinking skill as we aged, or did we just chose to ignore this component all together, in light of the harsh truth of reality? "
I acknowledged that this whole perception talk or debate is one that can be never ending. The fact is, there will always be supporters in view of individual rationality and self-interest. Hence, I shall leave my thoughts at that. The purpose of this article isn't about proving whether we should embrace critical thinking but rather, another thought of mine that i would like to share.
With my conclusion, I would like you readers to think about this sentence below. Never mind that I got it off 9gag, but it's the underlying context of the sentence that is meaningful, at least to me.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Texting. Haircut. Awkward Moment. Steps Forward
Just this monday, It was our first meetup after our breakup. I have arranged this to get myself a haircut. For those who doesn't know, my ex-girlfriend is a hairstylist and she's been managing my hair for at least a good 3 years now.
Messaging and greetings over the phone wasn't awkward at all. Apart from using sweetening words that couples normally uses, we were able to communicate properly. Anyway, thats my thoughts while arranging for a haircut appointment. And I headed to her workplace for it.
There was an air of quietness when i stepped into the saloon. I could sense the weird looks from her colleagues when we greeted each other. It was the start of an awkward feeling that is to follow. I must first comment that it was near her store closing hours where there isn't any customers in the saloon at all, apart of me that is.
Throughout my haircut, i maintained eye-contact with my ex-girlfriend, smiling to her at times when our eyes met. She probably didn't notice this since she's concentrating on my hair but I noticed that her colleagues were all 'monitoring' our situation. Not sure whether the use of 'monitoring' is appropriate here but i guess thats the closest word i could use to describe that atmosphere.
It was only at the end of my haircut that she told me she hasn't break the news about our breakup to her colleagues. Before that, I was thinking of heading to the counter to make payment where the awkward moment got to the maximum. Since I can still be consider a friend, i was wondering that i might get a discounted rate if she were to follow me to the cashiering counter. However, when i turned around, I saw her standing besides her colleagues, talking.
I didn't know, at that particular moment, whether to walk towards the cashiering counter myself to pay the standard price, or to wait for her to come back to 'serve' me. By 'serve', i meant that "ain't you gonna send me out, like with a farewell?" That was a moment of awkwardness.
The moment ended when my ex-girlfriend came back to where i had remained seated (still wondering what to do) and i asked the question: "I should go pay now?" and that's when she told me that she hasn't break the news of our breakup to her colleagues yet.
For readers that are now confused with what I'm writing, I should clarify that for the past years that I've been going to her for haircut in her saloon, I wouldn't need to pay since they might have some sort of agreement between the hairstylist to provide 'free haircut' to their significant ones.
Knowing this, she told me "not to pay" so that it doesn't create a explanation hassle for her. And for me, I switched my mind into thinking about killing off this awkward feeling.I told her that I'm going to the bank ATM to deposit cash. I only came back to get her, which at this time she have officially knocked off, at 9pm.
I don't really know why but i guess i included a meal together after our haircut as well. In addition, i was also told to pass her all the stuffs that she had left in my house to return her. We had supper at a coffeeshop near her house, with her friend and sister. And since there were company, I thought it was just enough of greetings and catching up topics for each of them since i do know them personally as well.
At the end of the day, although i say that it's okay if there is company joining us for the meal, I must say that i was a little disappointed that we didn't get to talk more individually.
Maybe, just maybe i might wanted to find out more about our breakup as a 'debriefing' kind of chat. I don't have an definite answer as to why i felt that pinch of disappointment. Anyway, there you have it, another post of my thoughts about what happened in our first meeting after the breakup with my girlfriend.
Till we meet again, I wish you well. For now, let us all take baby steps forward to achieve our goals.
Messaging and greetings over the phone wasn't awkward at all. Apart from using sweetening words that couples normally uses, we were able to communicate properly. Anyway, thats my thoughts while arranging for a haircut appointment. And I headed to her workplace for it.
There was an air of quietness when i stepped into the saloon. I could sense the weird looks from her colleagues when we greeted each other. It was the start of an awkward feeling that is to follow. I must first comment that it was near her store closing hours where there isn't any customers in the saloon at all, apart of me that is.
Throughout my haircut, i maintained eye-contact with my ex-girlfriend, smiling to her at times when our eyes met. She probably didn't notice this since she's concentrating on my hair but I noticed that her colleagues were all 'monitoring' our situation. Not sure whether the use of 'monitoring' is appropriate here but i guess thats the closest word i could use to describe that atmosphere.
It was only at the end of my haircut that she told me she hasn't break the news about our breakup to her colleagues. Before that, I was thinking of heading to the counter to make payment where the awkward moment got to the maximum. Since I can still be consider a friend, i was wondering that i might get a discounted rate if she were to follow me to the cashiering counter. However, when i turned around, I saw her standing besides her colleagues, talking.
I didn't know, at that particular moment, whether to walk towards the cashiering counter myself to pay the standard price, or to wait for her to come back to 'serve' me. By 'serve', i meant that "ain't you gonna send me out, like with a farewell?" That was a moment of awkwardness.
The moment ended when my ex-girlfriend came back to where i had remained seated (still wondering what to do) and i asked the question: "I should go pay now?" and that's when she told me that she hasn't break the news of our breakup to her colleagues yet.
For readers that are now confused with what I'm writing, I should clarify that for the past years that I've been going to her for haircut in her saloon, I wouldn't need to pay since they might have some sort of agreement between the hairstylist to provide 'free haircut' to their significant ones.
Knowing this, she told me "not to pay" so that it doesn't create a explanation hassle for her. And for me, I switched my mind into thinking about killing off this awkward feeling.I told her that I'm going to the bank ATM to deposit cash. I only came back to get her, which at this time she have officially knocked off, at 9pm.
I don't really know why but i guess i included a meal together after our haircut as well. In addition, i was also told to pass her all the stuffs that she had left in my house to return her. We had supper at a coffeeshop near her house, with her friend and sister. And since there were company, I thought it was just enough of greetings and catching up topics for each of them since i do know them personally as well.
At the end of the day, although i say that it's okay if there is company joining us for the meal, I must say that i was a little disappointed that we didn't get to talk more individually.
Maybe, just maybe i might wanted to find out more about our breakup as a 'debriefing' kind of chat. I don't have an definite answer as to why i felt that pinch of disappointment. Anyway, there you have it, another post of my thoughts about what happened in our first meeting after the breakup with my girlfriend.
Till we meet again, I wish you well. For now, let us all take baby steps forward to achieve our goals.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Memories. Moving forward. Message for Her
First of all, allow me to reiterate here that I'm writing this blog here to help organize my thoughts. It is through the para-phasing of the information that allows me to see certain issues more clearly.
There is still plenty of thoughts running through my head as I'm writing this post. I guess I can start with memories between me and my ex-girlfriend.
Memories will always be a part of me but it is at this period, the decision to "archive" it, making it all part of my history. I think that the way we handle our memories could possibly hinder our recovery of our self from a breakup. I'm not saying that a breakup isn't as heartbreaking, It's just that everybody have to accept this as a fact, sooner or later. For me, the sooner i get my self-confidence back, the more efficient i shall become. Or should i say, I'm a person whom is forward-looking.
With this as a backdrop, let us start with our most memorable things we've had. I'm also posting here as a reminiscing of this valuable past to me. My ex-girlfriend once asked me this question: "Tell me what is the most memorable thing you have done for me?"
During our conversations, I wasn't able to answer her at the tip of my fingers. Call me a terrible boyfriend if that's what it is because i might just need a wake-up hammer blow. Still, in my mind, I've always held certain memories close to me.
One touching effort my ex-girlfriend ever made for me was her determination to quit smoking. It was during our early days into this relationship when i found her smoking behavior unbearable. Needless to say, we had quite a big disagreement that almost threaten our relationship.
Although I couldn't get her to quit smoking totally, it was her subsequent effort and determination that was touching. I understand her standpoint of a smoker with a circle of heavy smoker friends. It's the peer pressure from these group of smokers that makes smoking hard to quit. If you have problem understanding what I've mentioned, just imagine you are the only non-gamer in a group of gamer clique. Most of your friendship bonding time would be talking about games and you're sort of "leaving yourself out" by not doing the same thing as them.
On hindsight, maybe i should had dropped my view that she should be quitting smoking not because of me, but for her health. After-all, if we use a backward induction method, we can easily say that, without me, she wouldn't had even contemplate about quitting smoking.
Message for my now ex-girlfriend:
" For your effort and determination to try to change yourself for me, I thank you. That really touched my heart. For a girl to change her lifestyle just to satisfy her significant other, I ought to compliment you. The effort you had gave into our relationship really put me to shame.
Compared to you, all I ever offered was a stream of support for you which i thought was a great contribution. I always thought that my listening ear is an asset to you. Little did i found out that it was of minimum impact since all my suggestions after listening doesn't help. I really feel ashamed and guilty here.
Had we carried on our relationship without resolving this cooling off
period, we wouldn't have found so much flaws, and i wouldn't have done
so much reflection on myself either. Although we've now gone our separate ways, I still like to apologize for my lack of sensitivity and useful support as your boyfriend. Please forgive me.
Lastly, from the bottom of my heart, i thank you for all the effort you had done and for the time we've spent. This part of you really deserves better. I hope you get to meet someone whom will cherish your every effort for the relationship and not as complacent as somebody like me. I'm hereby giving you my blessing to find joy and happiness that you didn't get when you're with me. "
There is still plenty of thoughts running through my head as I'm writing this post. I guess I can start with memories between me and my ex-girlfriend.
Memories will always be a part of me but it is at this period, the decision to "archive" it, making it all part of my history. I think that the way we handle our memories could possibly hinder our recovery of our self from a breakup. I'm not saying that a breakup isn't as heartbreaking, It's just that everybody have to accept this as a fact, sooner or later. For me, the sooner i get my self-confidence back, the more efficient i shall become. Or should i say, I'm a person whom is forward-looking.
With this as a backdrop, let us start with our most memorable things we've had. I'm also posting here as a reminiscing of this valuable past to me. My ex-girlfriend once asked me this question: "Tell me what is the most memorable thing you have done for me?"
During our conversations, I wasn't able to answer her at the tip of my fingers. Call me a terrible boyfriend if that's what it is because i might just need a wake-up hammer blow. Still, in my mind, I've always held certain memories close to me.
One touching effort my ex-girlfriend ever made for me was her determination to quit smoking. It was during our early days into this relationship when i found her smoking behavior unbearable. Needless to say, we had quite a big disagreement that almost threaten our relationship.
Although I couldn't get her to quit smoking totally, it was her subsequent effort and determination that was touching. I understand her standpoint of a smoker with a circle of heavy smoker friends. It's the peer pressure from these group of smokers that makes smoking hard to quit. If you have problem understanding what I've mentioned, just imagine you are the only non-gamer in a group of gamer clique. Most of your friendship bonding time would be talking about games and you're sort of "leaving yourself out" by not doing the same thing as them.
On hindsight, maybe i should had dropped my view that she should be quitting smoking not because of me, but for her health. After-all, if we use a backward induction method, we can easily say that, without me, she wouldn't had even contemplate about quitting smoking.
Message for my now ex-girlfriend:
" For your effort and determination to try to change yourself for me, I thank you. That really touched my heart. For a girl to change her lifestyle just to satisfy her significant other, I ought to compliment you. The effort you had gave into our relationship really put me to shame.
Compared to you, all I ever offered was a stream of support for you which i thought was a great contribution. I always thought that my listening ear is an asset to you. Little did i found out that it was of minimum impact since all my suggestions after listening doesn't help. I really feel ashamed and guilty here.
Lastly, from the bottom of my heart, i thank you for all the effort you had done and for the time we've spent. This part of you really deserves better. I hope you get to meet someone whom will cherish your every effort for the relationship and not as complacent as somebody like me. I'm hereby giving you my blessing to find joy and happiness that you didn't get when you're with me. "
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Breaking the news. Goal Setting. Watch me Rise.
After our breakup, I guess the next part is the informing of our parents that can be quite a challenge. For relationships that involved meeting the parents session, I guess we got ourselves a little explanation to them.
Our relationship have progressed to the point whereby we have met each others parent. Hence, I would say it is only fair that we tell them our breakup. I had initially planned to tell my mum on the night we broke up. However, I backed out at the last minute. I thought i might need some time to be able to phrase it better.
It was only the following day that my mum asked about my ex-girlfriend. We were having dinner and after dinner, we would sit in front of the TV watching news. Coincidentally, the news was flashing something about the new flats that HDB is releasing for the next month.
What followed next was that question. My mum mentioned about home ownership planning with my now ex-girlfriend. And I dropped the bomb. I don't know how shocked my mum was but she just commented about how long our relationship had lasted. Maybe she felt that we could have talked it out?
Nonetheless, my explanation was short and sweet. It's focus quickly switched towards my stability of exams preparation. I assured her, just like i assured my ex-girlfriend, that i will not neglect my studies.
I was telling my friend that this exam preparation had indeed came at a right time probably. My ex-girlfriend could use work to distract her thoughts while i could also numb myself with all the subject guides and lecture notes.
Fast forward a bit, I'm glad I took the baby step in planning our my study calendar today. Including today, I've allocated a minimum of 17 days per module. Hopefully, I could use this time as efficient as possible.
Moving on with a very minimum planning could be disastrous. Which is why I've decided to affirm my plans to as least till the end of the year. Some short-term goal setting could really guide my direction in life a little more.As with most students, I'm concentrated in preparing for my final exams which will end in May 2012.
After which, I would like to start working. I've received advices from experiences that graduated last year that we will not be able to use our bachelor for a job until our graduation is confirmed in earliest, September 2012. While that's the confirmation of graduation, I also found out that the certificate will only be available for collection only in February 2013, which would be next year.
Hence, in anticipation of the news for graduation, I'm prepared to undergo internship opportunities that would give me exposures into certain industry that I'm aiming to go into. Alternatively, I'm also prepared to take up diploma positions which could also be a temporary or full-time position that allows a promotion after which my graduation is confirmed. As when all else fails, I'm still prepared to take up employment with my diploma for full-time positions to accumulate my work experience for up to 1 year.
With regards to relationship issues, I'll leave it to time and nature. But I've prioritized more important issues in front of me for now. Hopefully, I do get to meet my dream girl somewhere in the near future. As mentioned in the middle of my post, I've now allocated the remaining months to revision and I'm not going to blog as much as I had done for the last one week or so.
I thank you readers, whom had read through my thoughts process and I hope my experiences had taught you something or at least brought you some insights. I also like to thank my close friends, brothers whom have accompanied me when I'm was literally feeling the lowest point of my life. I'm recovering slowly from this set-back but surely, I still work towards my goal of financial freedom and a blissful family.
It was only the following day that my mum asked about my ex-girlfriend. We were having dinner and after dinner, we would sit in front of the TV watching news. Coincidentally, the news was flashing something about the new flats that HDB is releasing for the next month.
Nonetheless, my explanation was short and sweet. It's focus quickly switched towards my stability of exams preparation. I assured her, just like i assured my ex-girlfriend, that i will not neglect my studies.
I was telling my friend that this exam preparation had indeed came at a right time probably. My ex-girlfriend could use work to distract her thoughts while i could also numb myself with all the subject guides and lecture notes.
Fast forward a bit, I'm glad I took the baby step in planning our my study calendar today. Including today, I've allocated a minimum of 17 days per module. Hopefully, I could use this time as efficient as possible.
After which, I would like to start working. I've received advices from experiences that graduated last year that we will not be able to use our bachelor for a job until our graduation is confirmed in earliest, September 2012. While that's the confirmation of graduation, I also found out that the certificate will only be available for collection only in February 2013, which would be next year.
Hence, in anticipation of the news for graduation, I'm prepared to undergo internship opportunities that would give me exposures into certain industry that I'm aiming to go into. Alternatively, I'm also prepared to take up diploma positions which could also be a temporary or full-time position that allows a promotion after which my graduation is confirmed. As when all else fails, I'm still prepared to take up employment with my diploma for full-time positions to accumulate my work experience for up to 1 year.
With regards to relationship issues, I'll leave it to time and nature. But I've prioritized more important issues in front of me for now. Hopefully, I do get to meet my dream girl somewhere in the near future. As mentioned in the middle of my post, I've now allocated the remaining months to revision and I'm not going to blog as much as I had done for the last one week or so.
I thank you readers, whom had read through my thoughts process and I hope my experiences had taught you something or at least brought you some insights. I also like to thank my close friends, brothers whom have accompanied me when I'm was literally feeling the lowest point of my life. I'm recovering slowly from this set-back but surely, I still work towards my goal of financial freedom and a blissful family.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Meetup. The 5 Love Languages. The Friendly Breakup. Take Care
I didn't want to let my mum know of this Cooling-off period so I told her on Sunday night that i will be going to school to study on Monday. After which, i would then travel to meet up my girlfriend. However, a particular lazy person named Wei Hao (me) woke up at 1pm!
It's really quite awkward later in the day when my mum ask me whether I'm going to have dinner at home. Subsequently, I replied: "Yes but I'm going out after dinner." I don't know whether my tone of voice gave me away or the atmosphere got weirdly, my mum instinctively knew something wasn't right maybe? Anyway, I'm going to fast forward this boring issue that happened in the day. I met up with my girlfriend in the evening.
I waited outside her working place since i was early. Looking ever so forward to see her knock off. When the lights in her workplace went off, I knew she's gonna come out. I was having such mixed feelings but i guess it's the time we finally can talk and understand each other more pertaining to this situation.
Once again, the exact details will be confidential but a summarized part of a macro picture can be given. We walked towards the bus-stop to take a bus to her house. This route, I've taken so many times down the years that I thought i could close my eyes and get there! Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, this bus journey felt shorter than i had expected.
I never knew sitting on a bus, with your loved ones besides you can be a simple yet happy feeling. Although the distance the bus traveled is unchanged, I just felt that the last time was a little different. I just couldn't describe the feeling in words. A sense of savory maybe?
Over the conversation, I got to understand more about ourselves. I was introduced this book called: "The 5 love languages" during the seminar by Sean.
I haven't read this book but here's a quick summary by Sean. He mentioned that there are 5 ways that people express their love. They are:
Although I'm predominantly strong in the first 2, it doesn't mean i neglect the rest. It's just that I'm weak in other areas. Let's say "Gifts" for example, I'm a person that hardly believes in using gifts as a form of expressing love. However, to my knowledge, gifts is always required in any relationships. So you also can't condone the fact that this 5 languages co-exists and finding a balance would probably help.
My girlfriend is probably a person whom fall under the category of "Acts of services" as well as "Physical touch". Act of services means that the person express love through the actions. It can be very small little acts like fetching your girlfriend to work and knock off etc. Lastly, physical touch refers to expressing love through the direct channel of hugging, kissing. The most traditional form of all i presume.
The above information are a brief summary i got from Sean without having read the book. Hence, I might be wrong about certain information but this book does interest me to find out more. I'll probably buy this book and read when i have more time after my exams.
So, coming back to our conversation. I guess it's probably clear by now that we are going to be just friends. The only time I was pushy during our conversation was to affirm her view that my girlfriend doesn't have the desire to make things work anymore. Her decision was final and the moment of truth came. I later found out that she had initially wanted to talk about the breakup after my exams so that it doesn't affect my studies.
Here's a message for now my Ex-girlfriend:
"For confirming everything, I really thank you, girlfriend. It really sets a sense of relief into me and I'm also happy to be of relief to you to accept this breakup maturely. You would have thought that I might not be able to take this breakup if it comes at this period before my exams. But do not worry much, I'm always a person whom can prioritize my decisions well. I promised that I'll work hard for the remaining months to come.
Moving on probably need some time just like you also require time to inform everybody. I'm glad that we could still be friends. After all, I really got used to you taking charge of cutting my hair. I guess it will take some time before i can start finding another hairstylist as professional and as caring about my hair style other than you.
They say friendship survives best when there is reciprocity. I would like to add a "matrimony of benefits" onto the list. I'll definitely like to have a friend whom is a hairstylist. I don't know what benefits i can offer you yet but I'm sure you might find a friend like me useful in the future to come.
I look forward to seeing you again. As a friend of course. And for the last time that I'm going to say this. I love you, Girlfriend. Take Care."
It's really quite awkward later in the day when my mum ask me whether I'm going to have dinner at home. Subsequently, I replied: "Yes but I'm going out after dinner." I don't know whether my tone of voice gave me away or the atmosphere got weirdly, my mum instinctively knew something wasn't right maybe? Anyway, I'm going to fast forward this boring issue that happened in the day. I met up with my girlfriend in the evening.
I waited outside her working place since i was early. Looking ever so forward to see her knock off. When the lights in her workplace went off, I knew she's gonna come out. I was having such mixed feelings but i guess it's the time we finally can talk and understand each other more pertaining to this situation.
Once again, the exact details will be confidential but a summarized part of a macro picture can be given. We walked towards the bus-stop to take a bus to her house. This route, I've taken so many times down the years that I thought i could close my eyes and get there! Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, this bus journey felt shorter than i had expected.
I never knew sitting on a bus, with your loved ones besides you can be a simple yet happy feeling. Although the distance the bus traveled is unchanged, I just felt that the last time was a little different. I just couldn't describe the feeling in words. A sense of savory maybe?
Over the conversation, I got to understand more about ourselves. I was introduced this book called: "The 5 love languages" during the seminar by Sean.
I haven't read this book but here's a quick summary by Sean. He mentioned that there are 5 ways that people express their love. They are:
- Words
- Time
- Gifts
- Acts of services
- Physical touch
Although I'm predominantly strong in the first 2, it doesn't mean i neglect the rest. It's just that I'm weak in other areas. Let's say "Gifts" for example, I'm a person that hardly believes in using gifts as a form of expressing love. However, to my knowledge, gifts is always required in any relationships. So you also can't condone the fact that this 5 languages co-exists and finding a balance would probably help.
My girlfriend is probably a person whom fall under the category of "Acts of services" as well as "Physical touch". Act of services means that the person express love through the actions. It can be very small little acts like fetching your girlfriend to work and knock off etc. Lastly, physical touch refers to expressing love through the direct channel of hugging, kissing. The most traditional form of all i presume.
The above information are a brief summary i got from Sean without having read the book. Hence, I might be wrong about certain information but this book does interest me to find out more. I'll probably buy this book and read when i have more time after my exams.
So, coming back to our conversation. I guess it's probably clear by now that we are going to be just friends. The only time I was pushy during our conversation was to affirm her view that my girlfriend doesn't have the desire to make things work anymore. Her decision was final and the moment of truth came. I later found out that she had initially wanted to talk about the breakup after my exams so that it doesn't affect my studies.
"For confirming everything, I really thank you, girlfriend. It really sets a sense of relief into me and I'm also happy to be of relief to you to accept this breakup maturely. You would have thought that I might not be able to take this breakup if it comes at this period before my exams. But do not worry much, I'm always a person whom can prioritize my decisions well. I promised that I'll work hard for the remaining months to come.
Moving on probably need some time just like you also require time to inform everybody. I'm glad that we could still be friends. After all, I really got used to you taking charge of cutting my hair. I guess it will take some time before i can start finding another hairstylist as professional and as caring about my hair style other than you.
They say friendship survives best when there is reciprocity. I would like to add a "matrimony of benefits" onto the list. I'll definitely like to have a friend whom is a hairstylist. I don't know what benefits i can offer you yet but I'm sure you might find a friend like me useful in the future to come.
I look forward to seeing you again. As a friend of course. And for the last time that I'm going to say this. I love you, Girlfriend. Take Care."
Monday, March 26, 2012
Phone Call. The Meetup. Face the Truth. I Love You.
On Saturday night, I just couldn't get to sleep. Although I've woke up at 7 am in the morning and attending one whole day of seminar, I just wasn't able to get into the mood to sleep. I was thinking how long has it been since we last talked over the phone. Clearly, I missed her voice. It was around 1 am but i still asked myself: "Should i call her now?"
Eventually, I called my girlfriend. She answered in a very calm tone. And we talked. Again, I'm not going into the exact details here due to privacy matters but what I'm going to do is to summarize a macro picture here. There was an instant chill running down my spine. The words she spoke were no longer kind to our situation.
I felt a change in her overall attitude. I didn't know what exactly changed it but it seems like she's finally gotten influenced by peers maybe? Here, I must do a little explanation as a side-track. I'm not trying to focus on our inequality but there is a difference in our surroundings. I'm brought up in a very study-oriented environment. I have good feelings towards academic importance, money and future. On the other hand, my girlfriend isn't very study-oriented. In fact, she can be consider part of the group that "hate studying" and her focus is ever to make ends meet. In short, She's very into the present value in accounting terms whereby I'm always the one whom have the future value as the more important aspect.
So, returning back to our conversation. I felt a changed in her perception. My girlfriend have always been a neutral party (at least from my point of view) that despite some opinions about our "incompatibility", we always believed that we could work out our differences. This is one of the pointers I believed kept us going for so long.
However, from the way she now spoke, I could hear that she accepted our differences as a much tougher challenge. Will there be a relationship that can't breach such inequality? Do give me some advices.
Anyway, I felt disappointed. A little let-down in fact. I thought for the last few days, am I the only person that's trying hard to improve our relationship? Maybe, maybe not. Irregardless, I actually requested a meetup so that we could talk properly. Once again, It's on a monday and It'll mark exactly a week since we entered this Cooling-off period.
I felt a little bad as this request would seems like I'm trying to end this Cooling-off period which i had agreed to give her. Nonetheless, the fact that with things turning out like this, I've received advices that it's a good time to talk. After-all, do we really intend to keep silent all the way till when? Someone got to start the ball rolling again i guessed.
Besides, this meetup would be crucial as a run-in for my exams preparations. Time is ticking by and for the last whole week, despite me posting my most optimism side, I've not touched my notes and books at all. Tomorrow, which is Tuesday, I should be in school doing my revision. I've decided that I had given myself enough excuse to NOT STUDY.
To be frank, I do not know how this meet up session will turn out but I've received lots of support from my brothers and friends. When it's time to face it, I shall accept whatever that might come. It's been a roller coaster week for me in terms of emotional and psychological stress. I hope i could subdue this or end this stress if possible and focus on my exams first.
If more time permits, I do hope we can sort out our differences or misunderstandings and maybe, just maybe we could get back again together. I still love my girlfriend. It's just that I've accepted the fact that I'm a boring but stable guy if i might conclude myself. Whatever happens, I promise not to accept a breakup hesitantly. That much, I trust i could still do.
Eventually, I called my girlfriend. She answered in a very calm tone. And we talked. Again, I'm not going into the exact details here due to privacy matters but what I'm going to do is to summarize a macro picture here. There was an instant chill running down my spine. The words she spoke were no longer kind to our situation.
I felt a change in her overall attitude. I didn't know what exactly changed it but it seems like she's finally gotten influenced by peers maybe? Here, I must do a little explanation as a side-track. I'm not trying to focus on our inequality but there is a difference in our surroundings. I'm brought up in a very study-oriented environment. I have good feelings towards academic importance, money and future. On the other hand, my girlfriend isn't very study-oriented. In fact, she can be consider part of the group that "hate studying" and her focus is ever to make ends meet. In short, She's very into the present value in accounting terms whereby I'm always the one whom have the future value as the more important aspect.
So, returning back to our conversation. I felt a changed in her perception. My girlfriend have always been a neutral party (at least from my point of view) that despite some opinions about our "incompatibility", we always believed that we could work out our differences. This is one of the pointers I believed kept us going for so long.
However, from the way she now spoke, I could hear that she accepted our differences as a much tougher challenge. Will there be a relationship that can't breach such inequality? Do give me some advices.
Anyway, I felt disappointed. A little let-down in fact. I thought for the last few days, am I the only person that's trying hard to improve our relationship? Maybe, maybe not. Irregardless, I actually requested a meetup so that we could talk properly. Once again, It's on a monday and It'll mark exactly a week since we entered this Cooling-off period.
I felt a little bad as this request would seems like I'm trying to end this Cooling-off period which i had agreed to give her. Nonetheless, the fact that with things turning out like this, I've received advices that it's a good time to talk. After-all, do we really intend to keep silent all the way till when? Someone got to start the ball rolling again i guessed.
Besides, this meetup would be crucial as a run-in for my exams preparations. Time is ticking by and for the last whole week, despite me posting my most optimism side, I've not touched my notes and books at all. Tomorrow, which is Tuesday, I should be in school doing my revision. I've decided that I had given myself enough excuse to NOT STUDY.
To be frank, I do not know how this meet up session will turn out but I've received lots of support from my brothers and friends. When it's time to face it, I shall accept whatever that might come. It's been a roller coaster week for me in terms of emotional and psychological stress. I hope i could subdue this or end this stress if possible and focus on my exams first.
If more time permits, I do hope we can sort out our differences or misunderstandings and maybe, just maybe we could get back again together. I still love my girlfriend. It's just that I've accepted the fact that I'm a boring but stable guy if i might conclude myself. Whatever happens, I promise not to accept a breakup hesitantly. That much, I trust i could still do.
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